How a parenting style created an adrenaline-junkie who craves adventure.
PART 1: TRANSCRIPT
DAD: We were given so much independence that in sixth grade I was riding my bike from New Buffalo to Three Oaks and there was no one saying you can't do that, it's not safe. I just did it. When you grew up, there was a a lot of fear there. There were helicopter parents. And like, we would have parents pretty much shun us because we would like to climb on ledges, you know, and go do stuff that was deemed risky to some parents.
DAUGHTER: I think that's ridiculous.
DAD: But at the same time we were not comfortable with letting you ride your bike to town.
MOM: We were not shunned!
DAD: Yeah! Pam asked us like, what are you doing one time?
MOM: Okay, yes, one time.
DAD: I used to ride my bike to my grandma's house a few miles down the road or go to the beach by myself, so it didn't phase me. But, your mom and me would have been like well whose going with you? You know, what time are you coming back? Nobody asked me those questions. I just came home when I was hungry.
MOM: Yeah, Sydney, you were also so outgoing as a little kid. You’d go anywhere, we couldn’t stop you. Because you were fearless as a little girl, you would just go out and see things. You would have talked to anybody. One time there was a lady and she was like, Oh, you got to be careful. There's bad people out there. But I wouldn’t let you be unsafe. You were just all out there and experiencing the world.
DAD: When you were young, we really encouraged you to be independent. We didn't want somebody who was timid and shy, and at times that was extremely difficult as parents, having a child who was so strong willed.
MOM: No, afraid is a better word. I mean sometimes timid and shy happens with kids.
DAD: Right, but we didn't want her to rely on other people to tell her what to do. We wanted you to be a strong individual. When you were little, it was more about playing, having fun and making the most out of our time together. At that point I never felt like I had to prepare you. And then, I don't know if I ever reflected upon it this way, when I started working all nights, it was more preparing you to become an adult, and in my opinion our relationship changed. It wasn't about trying to be your best friend. So, I went from being like super dad to being kinda just like super...poop, and I think I didn’t get over it until just this year.
MOM: *laughing through her words* Super poop, literally!
PART 2: MY THOUGHTS
I've always been the type of person who craves adventure. I love trying new things, sometimes just to say that I did them. My friends like to joke that if you need a person to do something with, you should just ask me because I never say no. To this day that has proven true almost without fail.
One time when I was pretty young I marched right up to this stranger in a park, don't worry my parents were chasing right behind me, to ask for some cheese from their picnic basket because I had decided I was hunger and I had no qualms. That stranger ended being one of my mom's best friends, Lisa, and they still laugh about that story to this day.
At that age, I felt very little fear or apprehension. I was a child who knew no bounds, which some adults found to be super aggravating, like I was an untamed beast. As one example of that, I remember getting yelled at during my mom's art show opening at this fancy gallery because I was running around, driven by a senseless desire to see what was behind every corner.
Several times while my grandma was babysitting me I convinced Duncan, a reserved boy that was around so much he was like an honorary member of the family, to go explore other neighborhoods around the area that we were explicitly told not to go into. One time we did so when there was a watch out for a white van that was suspected to have kidnapped someone. Unbeknownst to us, my grandma panic called everyone, worried that we'd been kidnapped too. Our families were so pissed when we finally showed back up. I couldn't understand why they were so upset at the time. I'd made sure to hid every time I saw a white vehicle approaching. True to my father's nature, I turned out very curious and unconcerned with the consequences of my spontaneous actions.
In fact, my dad and I are self-proclaimed adrenaline junkies, something we like to say a lot whenever we go mountain biking together. The first time he took me I slammed head first into a tree and got a gnarly cut on my leg. My dad's response was that you didn't really go if you didn't bleed, which sounds stupid but it is kind of true. I learned an important lesson that day: if you focus on the hypothetical chance of failure and what is scaring you, like crashing your bike, you are much more likely to end up in a bind.
PART 3: Research
My parents used to talk a lot about how their generation, Gen x, was full of helicopter parents, which is when parents are overprotective or show excessive interest in their children's lives, like forcing them into a certain career path or to attend a certain university. Seems like it was pretty accurate from what I've heard, I mean look at the William Singer incident from 2019.
As my parent's found out the hard way, letting children play without supervision is often highly scrutinized by helicopter parents. In several states it's even illegal to have a child go home to any empty house after school, something I often did.
Where did this style come from? Well, many believe that it's because Gen Xers found their childhood to be too hands off under the Baby Boomers, so they over compensated.
However, some people think that the trend towards anxiety in my generation has been exacerbated by helicopter parents who make their children think the world is a dangerous place. They believe it can hamper the development of proper coping skills and competency.
PART 4: SO WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
I was not expecting the content on helicopter parenting to be quite so negative. I mean, I knew I didn't really agree with it but holy cow. One article even blamed the surge of school shootings on helicopter parenting because children don't know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
I'm still not sure about some of things I read, but I know one thing for sure: my parents tried their best to raise me to be as independent as possible.
As a part of that, my parents made sure I had a lot of responsibility from a young age. They were particularly set on me learning the value of a dollar bill. After elementary school, they started telling me I could buy stuff with my own money, which wasn't that hard to make because I could just pick up hours working for our family business. That isn't to say my parents did nothing for me, as they've certainly provided support when necessary, but if they had the option to let me handle my shit on my own, they did so.
With so much independence of voice and action, I became very stubborn, as my parents pointed out earlier and as it's been pointed out to me many times since then. Even as a toddler I would get mad when I tried to help paint the houses for our family business and my parents would have to fix it. My signature quote was "I do it myself!" And, one time in middle school my friend's mom who was considerate enough to drive a group of us to volleyball practice everyday stated that I was a very opinionated child.
My parents also made sure to celebrate my failures. Whenever I would bring up a bad grade or game, they'd do a happy dance and say that was part of the learning process. Reflecting back, I think those actions made me more confident in my capabilities because I wasn't as afraid to make a wrong choice. I was taught that as long as it feels like the right thing, even if it doesn't turn out right, there will be something to gain from the experience.
REFERENCES
Trimnell, Author Edward. “Generation X and Helicopter Parenting.” Edward Trimnell Books, 1 Dec. 2021, https://www.edwardtrimnellbooks.com/generation-x-and-helicopter-parenting/.
“Who Are the Parents of Gen Z?” Signal Vine, 10 Nov. 2021, https://www.signalvine.com/texting-best-practices/who-are-the-parents-of-gen-z-2.